Power Washers and Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.


The saga of Spring Cleaning 2009 drew to a squeaky clean close at our dwelling on Thoroughbred Run this past Saturday. Oh, there may be an item or two that needs a little touch-up, but for all intents and purposes, it's over. But, Saturday saw a finale of near epic proportions.

I almost felt guilty when I perused the remaining items on the list. My name was pencilled in alongside "Power Wash the Garage Floor and the Deck" --- fun stuff for a guy. My Darlin' Dar was faced with "Clean and Organize All Kitchen and Bathroom Cupboards; Clean and Organize All Closets Including Switching Winter for Summer Clothing" ---akin to Waterboarding in my opinion.

The Weatherman had predicted a fine day for my tasks; mostly sunny, with a gentle breeze, and rain not due until 7:00 PM. At 9:00 AM, he was on the money except for the gentle breeze part. It was downright windy, and as they say, "It's an ill wind that blows no good." This was an ill wind.

I've lived in Michgan over 60 years, and I'm wondering just how much longer I'm going to have to live before I get it through my head that you have to be naive to the point of idiocy to be a Weatherman in Michigan. Worse yet, you have to be an idiot to the point of lunacy to believe their predictions. Someone told me, many years ago, that Mother Nature's maiden name was Murphy. Amen to that. What I never suspected was that Murphy also invented Power Washers.

Power Washers, sans Murphy, are wonderful things, and it's not the Power Washer per se that is the problem. It's more of a situational thing. As you've suspected, I will elaborate.

When Murphy invented the Power Washer, he instilled in it a certain number of absolutes, i.e. something that does not depend on anything else and is beyond human control.

1.) The fuel tank cannot contain enough fuel to complete the task, regardless of the size of the task.

1a.) You cannot run out of fuel until you are less than 20 minutes from completion.

1b.) You will not have a ready supply available.

a.) You will have refused the offer of a gas can full of fuel. Your task isn't that large.
b.) You will not own a gas can, until now.

Corollary: It is impossible to refuel a power washer without becoming paranoid about the possibility of the hot engine causing an explosion of the gas fumes. Further, it is also impossible to refuel a power washer without becoming paranoid about the engine oil level. You WILL attempt to check the oil. You will NOT have the Operator's Manual available, and there will NOT be a discernible "Full" mark on the dip stick. Therefore, it will always appear that the engine oil requires topping off. Even further, Murphy dictated that the fill tube for the engine oil be placed at such an angle and in such an inaccesible spot so to render adding engine oil virtually impossible without a funnel with a flexible tube. Commercially available funnels with flex tubes are too large to insert into the fill tube. Brilliant !

2.) The task will always require more time than anticipated.

2a.) You will assume that the power washer will remove oil stains from garage floors, and will persist until you remove expensively applied paint from around the still present oil spot.

2b.) You will make just enough passes on a dirty place on your deck until the original color shows through, necessitating the same amount of effort on the entire deck, including rails and posts. This will increase the time required a minimum of ten-fold.

3.) When power washing a raised deck, the power washer cannot be placed in a position which is convenient for shut-down in the event of rainfall. It must be positioned such that it requires re-entering the home, soggy wet, running through the raindrops, and shutting down the power washer.

3a.) It WILL rain. Mother Nature is, after all, a Murphy.

3b.) Shutting down the power washer will make the rain stop within 5 minutes, maximum.

3c.) You will be lured back to the deck, and 3a.) and 3b.) will reoccur.

3d.) You will find a slicker and defy the rain.

3e.) Donning a slicker will not stop the rain, but it will cause nearby Lightning and Thunder to begin. Holding a long metal power washing wand is a health hazard under these conditions. (See 3b.) It works for Lightning too.)

4.) Mother Nature will NOT allow you to become exasperated to the point of quitting the task at hand. She will tire of the game an instant before you do.

4a.) The rain will stop.

4b.) You will have approximately 10 square feet of deck to complete.

4c.) You will run out of fuel. (See 1b.)

Have yourself a wonderful day, because it's a wonderful day out there !

Later,

Don Lehr (Michguy)